|
Coach, Are You Nurturing? |
|
Verbal abuse, lack of concern harm
relationships with players By Michael Giuliano If you
were walking on a dusty road in small town America in the 1800s, it would not
be uncommon for you to notice a small gathering of people around a brightly
covered wagon. As you drew closer, you would hear a man, dressed in a
borrowed Indian buckskin, proclaiming that his magical wonder elixir could
cure anything that ailed you. One sip of his elixir and you would enjoy a
state of health never thought possible before. As I
consider the ways in which we talk about the value of sports participation,
it occurs to me that we tend to suggest that sports are the wonder elixir of
our age. We proclaim that membership on a sports team teaches you the value
of teamwork, how to work hard to accomplish your goals and a host of other
indispensable life lessons. We cry out for more funding of community youth
sports programs to help solve the problems of gangs and teen moral decline.
Indeed, at times it seems that we suggest that mere involvement in athletics,
mere “drinking up” of the sports team experience, magically transforms young
athletes into physically, mentally, socially and emotionally healthy and
productive citizens. What we
do not communicate as often is that athletic involvement can actually have
damaging effects. Even worse than the empty claims of the medicine man, this
elixir can actually harm us. Involvement on a sports team is more like
involvement in a family unit. Family life can transform us, but throw in a
careless, or even abusive parent, and family life can actually hurt us more
than help us. Metaphorically
then, coaches are more like parents and less like medicine men. They do have
a powerful elixir (sports), but depending upon how they administer that
medicine, it can build up or tear down. I have
found that some of the wisest advice I have been given as a parent has equal
merit for me as a coach. Here are four things to remember: DON’T
SAY ANYTHING THAT YOU WOULD NOT SAY IF YOU WAITED FOR ONE MINUTE TO SAY IT. Sadly,
coaching is one of the few professions where verbal abuse is still considered
acceptable. Recently, a player from another college confided to me that it
was very common for players to be brought to tears in practice by her
coaches’ verbal attacks. “But he
knows the game and he knows how to win, so I guess it is worth it,” she concluded.
A few days later, a father of a teammate of hers echoed those same
sentiments: “I know he’s brutal. But he’ll teach my daughter how to be a
winner.” I am
afraid that what he is teaching those young ladies is that verbal assaults on
the dignity and esteem of others is acceptable as long as the external goal
(i.e., winning games) is accomplished. I don’t think that is a lesson we
would want our children or players to live their lives by. Our goal
must be to nurture the discipline of developing a time gap between the
thinking of something to say and actual saying it. If we did, much of the
wounds we inflict through words would never occur. Try this
experiment: Have someone videotape your sideline behavior (with sound) for a
few matches. Is there anything that you would not have said, or at least not
have said in the same way, if you would have waited for a minute? LOOK
FOR “MOMENTS OF TRUTH.” A phrase
I use to describe this to my students and players is “moments of truth.”
Moments of truth are those opportunities that give us a chance to publicly
proclaim what we privately value. For example, Soccer Journal
published some time ago the story
of a high school player from Illinois who persuaded match officials that his
game-tying goal should be disallowed because he knew that it was scored after
time had expired. Through his actions, he demonstrated to his teammates (and
through the Journal article to a national audience)
that the value of telling the truth outweighs the value of a mark in the win
column. One way
to monitor this is to keep a communication inventory. At the end of practice
or a match, recall how many times, if any, you pointed out how the events of
that day taught a more important lesson. If weeks go by and you still cannot
recall such a conversation, chances are you need to look and listen more
carefully for such opportunities. INVEST
MORE IN PEOPLE THAN YOU DO IN TASKS. I have
vivid and somewhat painful reminders of this in my own experience. Publicly,
the 1994 season was the most successful of my coaching career. My squad ended
the season in the final four of the NAIA National Tournament, and I was
awarded conference and regional Coach of the Year honors. But back at the
college, a different story was emerging. For the first time in my career, the
postseason player evaluation of the coaches revealed that I had a number of
strained relationships with certain players. The reason soon became clear; I
had become so caught up in the task of reaching the national tournament that
I had communicated a lack of interest in and concern for the individual
players involved in that task. How
often do we talk with individual players about their interests and other
activities, as opposed to their shooting technique? When was the last time a
player confided in you concerning a struggle he or she was having that did
not include a soccer ball? Considering the likelihood
that, outside of their parents, we are among the most involved adults in
their lives, would not a healthy relationship suggest this should be
happening? KEEP
TALENT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP EQUATION. Suddenly,
Coach was talking to me more, he called me by my first name more often, he
even looked me in the eye more often. Let’s be
honest, those players who see the most playing time occupy more of our
thinking time. By necessity, we spend more thought on how the major
contributors on our team will contribute to the next win. But just as we do
not want to communicate to our own children that their worth is determined by
their talents, neither do we want to communicate that our players’ worth is
determined by their athletic talent. There may be no more valuable lesson
they can learn from us than how to look beyond the external packaging of an
individual to see the potential and good in all people. Do you
treat your first team players differently than you do your second team
players? If you are not sure, ask them. An evaluation given in anonymity may
reveal some arresting, and perhaps uncomfortable, perceptions. Imagine
the shock of an unsuspecting buyer of the medicine man’s elixir when the
buyer discovered that not only did he not feel any better, but he actually
felt worse. Our players will be changed by their involvement on a team and by
their relationship with us. With coaching as with parenting, we can build
them to be stronger, more responsible persons or we can tear down the good
qualities they already possess. Sports are not a guaranteed elixir, but in
the hands of a careful and caring “parent,” they are a powerful
character-building tool. Editor’s
note: Michael Giuliano is head men’s soccer coach at Wheaton College. He
received a Ph.D. in communication studies from Northwestern University. He guided Westmont College women’s soccer
team to the national title three of the last four years and has won
NSCAA/adidas National Coach of the Year honors each of those years, joining
an elite group of coaches with three National COY honors and doing it faster
than any other. |
Dr. Michael Giuliano
Head Men's Soccer Coach
Dr. Michael Giuliano is in his second year
as head coach of the Thunder men's soccer program. In his inaigural season with
the program he guided the Thunder to a 14-7-1 record and a CCIW Tournament
Championship. As CCIW Tournament Champions, Wheaton represented the league in
the 2008 NCAA Division III Men's Soccer Tournament - advancing to the second
round of the tournament.
Giuliano came to Wheaton from San Diego State University, where he spent three
years as the head women’s soccer coach. Prior to his tenure at the helm of the
Aztecs, Giuliano spent 11 years as the head women’s soccer coach at Westmont
College in Santa Barbara, California. He guided the Warriors to four National
Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) Championships in his time at
Westmont. Giuliano served one season as the head women’s soccer coach at Santa
Barbara City College (1992) and he was the head men’s soccer coach at Trinity
College (now Trinity International University) in Deerfield, Illinois for five
years (1986-90). In 19 seasons as a head coach at four-year programs he has
compiled a career record of 274-111-33, coaching both men’s and women’s soccer
programs.
At the time of Giuliano's hiring, Wheaton Athletic Director Tony Ladd noted,
“Mike has built successful programs at the institutions he has previously
coached. His wealth of experience and success speaks for itself.” Ladd adds,
“Mike is a great recruiter and a terrific communicator. We believe he is a
perfect fit to build on the foundation of this program that has been
established by Bob Baptista and Joe Bean.”
Giuliano compiled a record of 25-27-11 in three seasons at San Diego
State. In 2004, his debut season at San Diego State, the Aztecs played in
championship matches for the regular season and conference tournament titles in
the Mountain West Conference, posting an 8-7-6 overall record. His 2005 Aztec
team posted a record of 11-9-2, improving 50 places in the NCAA power rankings.
The Aztecs’ 2005 recruiting class was ranked 19th in Division I, the first
national ranking for a recruiting class in the history of the program.
Giuliano’s 2006 team posted a record of 6-11-2, highlighted by a 4-0 victory at
then 21st-ranked Purdue in the second match of the season. San Diego State’s
2006 recruiting class was ranked 26th in Division I. In 2006 the women’s soccer
program was first among SDSU’s 17 athletic programs in the number of
student-athletes that earned scholar-athlete accolades.
In 11
seasons at Westmont Giuliano compiled a record of 195-42-15. He guided the
Warriors to four NAIA women’s soccer National Championships, including three straight
titles in 2001, 2002 and 2003. Westmont’s first National Title under Giuliano
came in 1999. Westmont appeared in the NAIA Tournament in nine of his 11
seasons at the helm of the program. Giuliano was recognized four times in his
tenure at Westmont (2003, 2002, 2001 and 1999) as the Adidas/National Soccer
Coaches Association (NSCAA) “NAIA Coach of the Year” and NAIA/Brine “National
Coach of the Year”.
Giuliano posted a record of 55-42-8 in five seasons (1986-90) as the head men’s
soccer coach at Trinity College in Deerfield, Illinois. His 1990 squad had a
record of 13-8-2, won the NIIC Conference Championship and earned the program’s
first-ever NAIA playoff bid.
Giuliano earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Communications from Tennessee Temple
University in 1981. In 1986 he achieved a Master’s Degree in Education from
Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and earned a Ph.D. in Communication Studies
from Northwestern University in 1993. Michael Giuliano and his wife Barbara
have three children: Joshua, age 17; 13-year-old Justin; and 11-year-old
Linnae.